dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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