I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
