i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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