I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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