My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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