is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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