I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
