I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
