just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
