Cold hands, warm shart.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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