So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Your cock deserves a montage
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
