I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
