I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize