i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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