dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're making bets on your personal life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
