I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm at about main and main street
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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