just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
