So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
