Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
