On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
