THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
