I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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