I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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