you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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