the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
third nipple confirmed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
