so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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