Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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