The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
