you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
