I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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