Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
