And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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