I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
