When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
