Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
