You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
