You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
