So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
