life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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