Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
