Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
