So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
