Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
