We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
