I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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