Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
