This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
