His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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