Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
