I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.