At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
