drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED