I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize