This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..