she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.