I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
