You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
