I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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