If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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