The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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