im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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