i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
