I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
