I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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